I couldn’t help laughing at the dichotomy presented by this text and picture combination (both from the same application process):
> Thank you Mistress Katzenburg,
> I promise to do as you command, and I will answer whatever questions you have both promptly and honestly. Please don’t post the pictures you have of me please Mistress.
hint taken Mistress Katzenburg thank you for the reminder.
To Mistress Katzenburg,
I wanted to write this on here as it shows that i am not seeking to back out of my application through fear and nerve. I hope you accept my reasons. feel free to delete my post afterwards as you see fit.
My main reason behind seeking punishment and humiliation stems from a way to deal with the trauma i experienced throughout my childhood. Over the years I have used various negative ways to deal with this, such as self harm, eating disorders, hair pulling, depression, suicidal thoughts, etc.
Another way in which i seek to justify my feelings of worthlessness and guilt, is through seeking punishment and humiliation. Performing these acts in someway justify the worthless feelings i have about myself at any given time.
Obviously it isnt a healthy way to go about life for me, and as the years have gone on and i have degraded and endangered myself in any number of ways i have come to realise, slowly, that its just not how i can go on living my life. I have to change and by seeking punishment in this way, well it just isnt right for me.
I am so sorry for wasting your time, and I wish you all the very best in what ever life brings your way.
But for me, this isnt about fun, its a way of punishing myself for feeling guilty about something which somebody did to me over 30 years ago. Until i can learn to let that go, i can never be able to live a healthy life.
Thank you for your time and effort youve given me these past few weeks.